The 2 Essentials Of a Proper Wind Down Time
Recently, Julie was working with a mom whose two year old had abruptly started resisting her nap. The parents had been quite good at holding the consistency of the Sleep Wave to try and help her get back on track, but nonetheless, the nap had been practically non-existent for a few weeks.
“Are you doing a wind down routine before nap time routine?” Julie asked. When babies and kids aren’t falling asleep smoothly at bedtime or naptime, this is one of our first suspicions. With another child, a busy life and a little girl who had always gone down easily (and independently) for her nap, Mom’s answer was, no.
When we tell parents to add a wind down routine before their child’s bedtime routine (and nap routine if still napping), we sometimes hear a note of, “really, another routine?” But when they implement the concept with its 2 essentials, it often turns around even the most stubborn sleep issue. Plus, it’s very quick. It only takes a minute or two to incorporate the essentials of Wind Down.
The 2 essentials of Wind Down:
Wind Down works through physiological and psychological routes:
Physiological: Whether you’re a baby, child, or adult, the internal clock is tracking light to know what time of day it is, and to get us ready for sleep. Gradually dimmed lights are the cue needed to kick off a sleepy chemical cascade. About an hour before bedtime or nap time, begin to gradually dim the lights in the home (the most powerful physiological affects of dimming lights come before bedtime, but dimming lights before nap helps too–primarily through the psychological process we’ll describe next). Depending on the season and the weather, this can mean pulling curtains or blinds, turning off bright overhead lights and generally simulating sunset. If any screens are on, turn them off as well.
Psychological: Think of this second aspect as siesta time. Have you ever visited a country, Spain comes to mind, where everything shuts down for a few hours after lunch and what, to us ever-busy Americans, feels like a strange calmness overtakes the world? For your child, this means shifting to a calmer, more relaxed mode. Most importantly it also means, before taking your child into their room for their actual bedtime routine, giving them the sense that the whole household, and even the world, is winding down. Say good night to the kitchen, the living room, out the window to the world, to anyone else at home. Coach those at home to unplug, grab a book and lie on the sofa and wave nite nite to your little one. Tell your child that you too will lie down for a rest in your own bed after you say goodnight to them.
The purpose of siesta time is to trigger your child’s psychological response. You’re helping them let go and feel settled and resolved as they go into their bedroom. Kids are aware from a pretty young age that the rest of us aren’t napping when they do and they don’t like missing out. They’re sure we’re having a grand old time (if only they could see our “to-do” list of chores). It’s hard for them to fall asleep when all they can think about is getting back to the party. This is all about avoiding FOMO!
Sure enough, after reviewing the two essentials of wind down with this dear mom, Julie got an email from her the next day:
Please ignore my previous email 😂
You are truly a MAGICIAN!
[She] slept right away today!
I put down the shutters in the living room upstairs, and talked about the fact that we are all gonna rest, and then we can see each other again.
I held her and waved good night to some of the rooms, out the window and to her brother who was quietly looking at a book.
She was protesting, and I kept on saying I hear you, but it’s resting time now for all of us.
We went into her room, read a few books, and towards the end she started saying “I want Mama.” I said, “I’m right here. I’m going to rest too and I’ll see you afterwards”.
When I put her in the crib she was crying. i turned off the side lamp, said my script and walked out.. She lay down within a couple of minutes and slept.
You should have seen the look on her dad’s face !! It’s as if I performed a magic trick!
I guess unwinding down, even with my tone of voice, worked. Sometimes I forget that she is older now and is more aware!
I have attached a photo of her peacefully sleeping!
Thank you thank you thank you!!!