Why Does My Baby Fight Sleep?
“At bedtime she cries so hard, it’s like she hates sleep!”
A dad shared this with Heather in a consult last week. The parents of this nearly 5-month old baby were perplexed and exhausted by a pre-sleep outburst of crying. They knew their baby was tired, but for some reason she fought sleep with determination and every evening was a battle.
There are a few reasons babies cry while you’re trying to put them to sleep. (Note, the last one is the most fixable and the one Heather thinks is at the root of this baby’s distress).
Babies cry when they’re overtired.
Babies between 0-5 months old have optimal awake spans of only 90 minutes to 2 hours (for exact spans, see the book or online classes). When they get close to or pass that window, their brains become dysregulated and they just feel bad and have a harder time getting comfortable.
Crying is more likely during the witching hour.
If the crying comes on in the early evening, it’s often because this is a difficult time of day for young babies. The brain clock gives babies a last burst of alertness in the evening, but this can make them feel agitated and wired.
Releasing tension from the day.
Overstimulation and a buildup of activity from a busy day (when you’re a baby, every day is busy because you’re learning so much!) can make for crying - as a release of stress.
You’re getting in the way (with the best of intentions).
If you’re working hard to put your baby to sleep and they’re crying all the while, it often means they need space. You’re trying to do something for them that they are capable of doing for themselves – which doesn’t feel good for any party involved.
Now you’re basically engaged in a power struggle. Your rapidly-developing baby needs room to self-soothe, rather than being “put to sleep.” The tricky part is that until babies are 5 months, they do sometimes need help to fall asleep. Since we’re not sure about the exact level of help they might need, we use the Soothing Ladder and other 0-4 month strategies.
After 5 months, if your baby is crying while you try to soothe them to sleep, we can be confident that they’re telling you they need space and they can do it solo. Handing over the role of self-soothing clearly and thoughtfully to your baby using the Sleep Wave method is the solution. When parents wait to use the Sleep Wave until their baby is developmentally capable (5 months), we see nighttime sleep improve dramatically in under a week. It’s like flipping a light switch. When they’re ready, it can feel magical.
Yes, while they’re learning the Sleep Wave response, they will protest / cry at first, but this crying is short-lived (versus the ongoing crying that comes from over-helping). Before you know it, your baby’s “go to” way of falling asleep will be to do it on their own and you will have a calmer, happier and much easier bedtime.
Stay tuned for an update on Heather’s family’s progress with their 5-month old!
Sound like your baby? Check out the Sleep Wave class for less stress, an easier bedtime and a full night sleep:
Our most popular publications:
THE HAPPY SLEEPER ONLINE VIDEO COURSEs
Ready to sleep through the night?
Online classes from Heather and Julie — creators of the popular and revolutionary Happy Sleeper methods.
THE HAPPY SLEEPER Consultations
Tailored sleep help - just for you.
Have a question about your specific baby? Maybe you read the book or watched the class and you want to ask about your unique situation? Or you want us to walk you through the whole process, start to finish? We’ve got you!